I Think it's Hitting Me

Well this is the first week where it's hitting that my new normal involves someone else spending more waking time with my little girl.  I am ok with it.  Not great, but ok.  I think it was brought on by a case of diaper rash.  My little girl got her first bought this week, and she never had any problems while I was the one with her.  I dealt with the issue and she healed in 36 hours but I know if I was at home, it never would have happened.  Second issue was juice, yes juice.  I don't want my daughter drinking it and I was pretty clear about that and twice I have picked her up to find juice in her cup.  With childhood obesity rising at an insane rate, not to mention juvenile diabetes juice and all sugary drinks should be outlawed.  How people think it's ok to drink the stuff I'll never know.  Would you sit and eat 3 oranges?  Likely not, so why drink a glass of juice.  Eat an orange, get the fibre with the sweetness.  I love food and that passion has driven me to eat my calories, not drink them.  Anyhow, back to leaving my Belle.  I still think I am a better mommy now that I am working.  I am more patient, and my time with her rarely feels like a chore anymore so maybe I am better than ok.  Maybe I am just still a little angry that she was in pain all because the person I hired for her care doesn't change her diaper enough.  Something that seems so basic just fell through the cracks and really irked me.

Top it all off, I finally changed my birth control pill to something more reliable than micronor (the pill breastfeeding mommies can take without affecting milk supply)  and I think it's messing with me.  My emotions aren't as even as they used to be, but I am not sure if it's the new pill or the changes me and my family are going through.  Some days I think maybe I should try an IUD, I am sure the horror stories of the 80s are a thing of the past, but I am still freaked out by inserting an implant to prevent pregnancies.  I loved not being on the pill.  I have never been happier than those two months I was off the pill trying to get pregnant.  Things just felt fresh all the time.  Hormones are a wild thing.  It's amazing how they enable the body to function, but when hormones are not working properly or are manipulated in some way my mind and by extension my feelings become so unfamiliar. 

On another plus, my Belle made me more relaxed at work.  I work more efficiently so I can get home to see her and the bigger picture seems even bigger now.  I still want to do a good job because I really enjoy my work, but moments of 'did I forget something' or 'will my clients learn something and find their experience valuable' don't plague me anymore.  I won't forget something that can't be fixed and clients are people.  There will always be those looking for fault in something and no matter how hard I try they may not be happy, but treat them with respect and they will remember that.

Anyhow, my next post will be fun.  I'll share my grandma's banana cake with peanut butter frosting recipe with some slow and low cooked ribs.  My hubby's birthday is coming up and I look forward to making his tummy happy and returning the thoughtfulness he showed me on my birthday.  I lucked out with one of the best guys ever. And he's smart and sexy too!

Working 9-5 in Toronto

I have a new appreciation for moms who have to work 9-5.  I am in my third week of work and have been working 8am to 4pm and have felt the change back to work has gone relatively seamless.  I have a nice breakfast with my husband and Belle.  Then Belle and I walk the dog and then I walk her to daycare.  Our daycare provider is about a five minute walk from my house.  My husband waits at home a few minutes, cleans our breakfast dishes and drives to pick me up (he just pulls over to the side of the road and I hop in).  We then head off to work together and I am in the office by 8am.  (I usually put my make-up on at work, I just can't get everything done by 6am).  I leave work by 4:00 pm via the subway and pick-up Belle by 4:30pm.  Belle and I get home on foot, take the dog out for about 20 minutes and I start dinner by 5:00pm.  We all settle into our meal when my husband gets home by 6:30pm.  Then we have a few lovely hours of play time until bed at 8:30.  It works really well. 

I had one day last week where I had to do the driving to work.  I still left by 4:00 pm but the drive was hell.  I didn't get home until closer to 6:00 pm with Belle and it was awful.  I was cranky, exhausted and hungry.  I thought to myself, this is everyday, Monday through Friday for some families and it's flipping nasty.  To top it off it was also my birthday and all I wanted was to be by myself, so instead I opted to cook my own dinner while my husband played with Belle.  I have never been more thankful to my work and my colleagues as I was that night.  Having the kind of job that gives me a little swing time is great.  I know there will be days when I'll have to work until 5pm or later but at least I am prepared for the manic time chase.  It will still suck though!

Oh, and in case anyone is keeping track I have not made it to the gym once yet.  That's this week's challenge that I have made to myself now that Belle is happy and settled into care.  Let's see how this goes.

Return to Work: Week One Down

Well I went through my first week of work and I think I was rather typical. The night before was incredibly sad.  I felt like crying all day.  I packed our day full of fun at the park, bought her a treat to eat (a doughnut, not healthy but the guilt of leaving her won out).  Our first day was sad but I tried not to focus on it too hard.  For me, I am still finding the return to work surreal.  Almost like work is a vacation and that soon enough I'll be called back to be Belle's full time care provider.   It doesn't feel real that this is my new normal. 

I was able to choose a lovely homecare provider that my neighbour has been using for years.  So, I get the amazing word of mouth reference that's worth its weight in gold.  Sure there are a few things that I don't love about the situation but I also feel if I don't have concerns about health or safety than I need to relax a little bit.  Someone is doing a very important job for me that I can't do nor do I want to do full time.  Belle transitioned well.  Not perfect as for the first two days as she thought 4 am wake-up calls were ideal.   All the breastmilk in the freezer is of no use because she doesn't want it, if it's not from mommy.  She's a snob like me.  Food needs to be fresh.  Here are a few tips that worked for us:

• Do a few trial runs with your care provider.  Belle had a couple afternoons so she felt pretty confident.  Not a lot of time, just a few hours was enough. 
• Go back to work at  non-peak times.  I work in education and went back the week before labour day, which meant I had time to just think without a lot of demands being placed on me.  And I was rewarded with a 3-day weekend with my girl.
• Embrace feeling like the new kid in school again.  A lot has changed in a year at my work place and rather than wanting things the way that they were I am excited about being someplace new.  Although it's still really familiar there were things about my job before that could have been better and it's so great having a clean slate in a way.

Dinners went well.  With 4 am wake-up calls the slow cooker went one day.  Then we did some wraps and some fish.  All was excellent and I am hopeful that the new normal will be something that I enjoy. 

With four days of daycare my Belle has already started to learn to be more confident.  She is trying to walk more, climbing stairs and verbally she is already pretty dynamite but I do see improvements.  I am a very proud momma.  She nurses a little more in the evening.  Usually twice but nothing too much out of the ordinary.  So far so good. I am looking forward to more.  Babble is becoming a great source for me and how to think about and cope with parenting http://www.babble.com/ .  I'll look for an amazing video the founders did for TV and blog about it this week.  I think you'll love it.